The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

Ladies steer the ship carrying the emotional health of their relationship, the man helps to maintain. In my opinion this book helps layout practical concepts in a simple manner most ladies and gentlemen understand. Men tend to fix things, shovel coal, and say what’s on their mind (if it matters to them). Women often talk in code, and try to decode what the man is saying. If he's a plain talker, this often leads to misunderstanding the significance of what he said, and too often completely missing the point. Unfortunately wars have been started over missunderstandings. An adopted son (at 14, from my ex-wife’s twin), did not listen to my advice about sex. A young lady in high school picked him out to be hers, they had a child, and nine years later another. Seriously I tried working with him, but he said "she was not who he wanted to spend his life with." They were living together and began fighting regularly, irrational. After I read this book, I decided I was working with the wrong half of the equation, and I offered it to her. Six months later they were married. If you'd like more detail read on. I bought this book for myself and wish I read it when first published, but I still had much to learn. The stories are simple testimony from real people, the concepts are priceless. Everyone should be happy but not everyone is ready. This book teaches about cross-gender communication. Men should read it to understand how they should be treated, with love and compassion of course. I tell them not to give it to their wife, because she may be insulted, and never read it. She should already be perfect just the way she is, never criticize her (she’ll do enough of that on her own), and just randomly pick something you love about her to acknowledge the Goddess inside her. I tell them to simply place the book on their nightstand. If she asks, just say you heard the book can help you be a better partner, husband, friend, man. That you really love her, and want to be the best partner you can be. If she asks to borrow it tell her no Sweetheart, you’re perfect just as you are, don’t change a thing. If she continues, suggest reading it together, and she can help you understand it. I tell the woman to read the book, so they learn how to care for their pet. Honest people can work things out, and an honest man is a simple creature don’t try to change him. Just love him, help him understand how to help you, and recognize the God in him for the good things he does to please you. I was diving into every nuance by the last chapter, but found it (for a man) to be the most boring chapter of the book. She takes a really long time (talking code) to say the simple truth “If he wants ‘it’ just give it too him.” But seriously ladies and gentlemen a little sexual tension is healthy to spur the youthful exuberance of anticipation, be sure your up on “The Joy of Sex” and other more sensual or spiritual aspects of relationships. Intimacy should never be used as a tool or withheld from a good man doing his best. Remember a good man is a simple creature and he’s hard wired for simple pleasures a happy wife (I cannot express in words how hard a man will work to please his wife, even if she is less than supportive of his needs), happy life, good food, and GREAT SEX!!! Conversation and making memories are wonderful but be sure our basic needs are met. We will give our lives to you. The woman is in charge of her happiness, telling her husband (asking is much better) what she needs help with. If she is not happy, it is because she’s either with a narcissist/sociopath, or she hasn’t told the engineer she needs more coal in the engine room. (Please excuse my sarcasm, he might not be the right person. Or she is the sociopath. Character flaws do not discriminate. Note: Men and Woman sociopaths have two traits in common. They lack empathy, and take pleasure manipulating others. They are some of the nicest people you don't want to know!) The young lady quickly began applying concepts she learned in the book. Six months later they were getting married. I asked him, how’s life, he said "I couldn’t be happier." Each of four years after he said the same thing, and I stopped asking. Originally I read about 100 reviews from ladies here on Amazon. One lady's parents had a perfect marriage 40 years of bliss, still glowing after all those years. But her marriage was not as good. She read the book, and two weeks later her marriage was perfect! They say men love you like a dog, kick’em and they keep coming back for more. Hoping for love, but tolerating abuse to a point. They also say women are like cats, chase them, and they will run away. Sit still and they will come lay in your lap, and purr... nice happy life... 😇 Another lady doesn’t like the author at all, loaths her like a zombie (my adaptation), but her marriage wasn’t doing so well. A friend loaned her the book, out of respect for her friend she’s read it. Two weeks later her marriage was fine... 😇 If it’s the right person it might be the wrong time. If it’s the wrong person it’s always the wrong time. Good cake doesn’t need frosting, and frosting doesn’t fix the cake. Though a little doesn’t hurt. It’s who’s inside that counts. From the first page, “this book is not to fix all relationships... If you’re suffering from addiction, abuse, or affairs save yourself and get out.” I’m told Phil Donahue put that on the last page of his book, backwards thinking Phil. I much prefer how Laura S. ended her book, emphasizing in every way she could think of “If your man needs loving, give him prime choice, and top shelf loving!” You never want him looking for love in all the wrong places. To a healthy man food and great sex are basic needs we live for. Yes we also enjoy many other interests, but nature has endowed us with a very strong need for placing our lives, our love, and our essence in the hands of a woman who cares for us. We can fix things we understand, but emotional eddies are far too complex for most men. Too many don’t understand this simple truth. So men are abused, get frustrated, and most are outclassed whenever a woman uses emotional manipulation on them. This my friends are not the type of woman you want. Read David Deida’s “The way of the superior man” and Corey Wayne’s “The 3% man.” Western sociopolitical manipulation has perverted how men and women treat each other, by filling our media with divisive concepts, and bad role models. Simply to weaken our family structure and make sheep easier to herd. The strength and foundation of our world, depends on the love, compassion, and peace we have in our hearts. Love, the most powerful force in the universe, share it without restraint, and know we are all riding around the sun together!

I read this book many times, so there is not ONE mistake in my comments here. I read it, I understood it, then understood it some more. I did my checks and balance on my relationship. This book was and is an eye opener! I am recovered feminist thanks to Dr. Laura's advice and teachings which I followed because it resonated with my desire to get out of this raging feminist s>>thole ("men are doormats", "it's me, me, me, and he needs to dance accordingly") and get some happiness! I wanted to see my man in real colors, to understand that we are together to be happy not to fight about whose balls are bigger. This book is telling it to women who are willing to hear -- as it is: Men want to be loved and appreciated and we, women, can give them that. Reciprocity. Desire to make each other happy, being humble as to want to accept the differences that actually make us so awesome together! This is not a book for women who do not want to accept a different perspective than theirs. This is not a book for women who refuse to see their men in a true light. This is not a book for women who do not have the desire to make a change, to better their marriages. This is not a book for women who think that kids don't need a father. This is not a book for women for whom their career stands higher than their kids, husbands, or the air they breathe. So, don't buy the book if you are not ready to open up your mind and heart and see things differently or in a better way than you are already seeing and doing them. Buy and read this book if you really really really love your husband, love being a mother and a wife, and want to solve a problem in your marriage or bring more happiness in your marriage. This book taught me so many things! No, I am not affiliated in any commercial, marketing, financial etc. way with this book as though it sounds like I did a good advertisement job. I am writing this with much gratitude to this little lady who showed me how to move my chess pieces by putting the queen next to her king and helping me win this game called "Life". I am now happier, clearer, and have more respect for my man. I am loved more. What a revival!

Men are born and raised by women, and strive their whole lives to be appreciated, loved and respected by Women. Dr. Laura shows how women really have all the power in a happy marriage and gives examples of how changing your acting and thinking will improve your marriage. Dr. Laura gives MANY examples of how Men think and act and the differences between Men and Women. For the women that consider themselves "feminists" or "Modern Women", please suspend your contempt prior to investigation and read the ENTIRE book, implement some of the suggestions, and IF it fails to help your marriage, then bash away. Most of the negative reviews of this book admit that they didn't read the book or do anything the book suggested. The World-wide Divorce rate is over 50 percent for married people today, and the number of unmarried people with children outnumbers married people. So, I think it's safe to say that the todays culture is destructive to marriages and there are a lot of unhappy Men, Women, and Children as a result of this. My wife shows utter contempt for anything that used to be done in traditional marriages and thinks I want to turn her into a "1950's housewife." (She hasn't gotten past the introduction of the book.) I believe in true equality, and a division of labor. Imagine if I just came home one day and said "I just don't feel like working, you go work instead, but I'm not going to be cooking, cleaning or taking care of the children. I plan on doing the bare minimum." Dr. Laura shows how both sexes have attributes that compliment each other and shows how marriage vows are broken easily by not doing your fair share of work, or prioritizing things over the health of their marriage. She talks about the double standards Women have for Men and how one-sided it can be. She also talks about "forsaking all others" which is in the vows and most people dismiss by being too tied to their friends and extended relatives instead of their husband, who is their family (That they picked!). After 20 years of hanging in there, praying and waiting, nothing has improved. I'm not going to be standing the abuse any longer and will be separating. Better to live alone with a crust of bread than in an nice house filled with strife. I also am a human being with wants, needs, my own dreams, emotions, and thoughts. Talk is cheap. Her ACTIONS show that she doesn't care about me. Women take heed, if you show contempt and disregard a book and concepts like this, your Man will find a woman who will treat them better. It might take 1 year or it might take 20. Every Man has His limit. Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? Men already know were damned if we do, and damned if we don't so most of us have given up talking about these issues. Listen to a Woman with a PHD in psychology and marriage counseling and read this book.

"...women get married thinking largely about what their marriage and their man can do for them, and not what they can do for their men. And when there is so little emphasis on the giving, the nitpicking and pettiness chews up and spits out what could have been a good marriage." ~ pg. 3 In "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" Dr. Laura Schlessinger promotes traditional family values. It is no surprise then that she wants men and women to adapt to more traditional roles. Since men and women are quite different at heart, she encourages her reader to fit into the roll of stay at home mom or provider. Women are then expected to cook, pay their husband attention sexually and raise their children. Men are expected to be the main provider and are to be treated as the knight in shinning armor. While this may work for many people, you may find yourself in a less than traditional role. This book is truly for women with a dominant feminine energy and men with a dominant male energy. While reading this book I felt that Dr. Laura was mostly taking the guy's side. I noticed two main stories and how they played out. In a story about Valentine's Day, maybe Dr. Laura could try seeing it from a female perspective. It is devastating for a woman to be forgotten on Valentine's Day. End of Story. There is also a story about a man and how he deals with his wife forgetting his birthday. Both stories are sad but have easy solutions. Mark the dates of important events on your calendar once a year. For some reason Dr. Laura doesn't say to do this but it should have been something she advised. The chapter on sex is enlightening but doesn't address the differences in sex drive. Dr. Laura seems to promote sex whenever the husband wants it despite a woman's need for romance. If guys want more sex, give more romance. Why doesn't Dr. Laura give this advice in her book? I assume it is because this book will mostly be read by women since it is about taking care of your man. I liked the ideas about cooking since my husband says I keep him well fed. We have a little routine of going to the store for ingredients to try out new recipes. My husband will sometimes tear recipes out of magazines and ask me to try them. This works well because I love to cook. I also have a schedule which allows me to have time for cooking. Women who are working more hours are not as likely to have as much time. Dr. Laura recommends that women cut out some of their "to do list" to make room for their husband's needs. Overall this book has some good ideas about not being an "out of control" woman so your husband is not neglected. Mothering and nagging are to be avoided at all costs. Some of the stories in this book are a little shocking due to the level of abuse in some relationships. For the most part the people writing in have seen the light and agree with Dr. Laura's point of view. I was a little shocked actually that Dr. Laura recommended getting rid of a family pet just because it was hissing at the husband. Cats give a lot of love and can easily be trained to be more loving. How about a few kitty treats and a nice brushing. The cat was probably just a little jealous and could have learned to love the husband too. There is a solution for everything and sometimes it is easier than you think. ~The Rebecca Review

this book is something that I constantly refer back to. It changed my perspective on being happy in my relationship and made me realize that men are not as complicated as I once thought they were.

I buy tons of things on Amazon and this is the first time I feel the urge to write a review. In one word, this book saved my marriage! I met my husband four years ago and we have been married for three years with a beautiful baby boy. Our relationship started full of passionate love. It was love of the first sight, and then after time passes by, we truly believed we were made for each other and we were each other's soul mates. We both felt the other person satisfied every fantasy we had on every dimension when it comes to the other half that's supposed to complete us. I regarded him as the manly man and my hero and he regarded me as his sweet flower. We were both around 30 years old, so we were not some teenagers who have never seen other men or women. We got engaged six months after we met and got married six months after the engagement. We can't even wait for a year to plan the wedding! Then we had a baby a year later. The arrival of the baby changed everything. First we started to have different strong opinions regarding how to care for the tiny baby, then it's his family, then my family. All of sudden, before we knew it, we were pretty much fighting about everything, no matter how trivial it is. I felt true despair. If what we had cannot be called true love, then what can? I stepped into marriage with the rosy view that with our true l love, admiration for each other, nothing will stand in the way of our happy ever after life. The reality is the opposite. And all the conflicts are not there because one of us is slacking off or shirking the responsibilities as a parent. We both work really hard and are terrific parents. I have a career but managed to breastfeed my baby until he is almost two. I clean, do laundry, and cook fresh delicious home-made meal for dinner every day. He works super hard at his job and he provides a great life for the family (a big house, nice cars, etc etc.). Once he gets off work, he comes home right away to take care of the baby. He devotes all his time on the weekend to the baby without me asking for it. And we truly still love each other. When we fight, we both feel deeply hurt and still care about each other. So we make up, but then something will trigger another fight a week later. The cycle continues. So I searched for answers. I believe in solutions in every problem. Finally I came across this book. Even with all the great reviews, I was skeptical initially. Then I was completely blown away by the truth revealed in the book. For example, I used to believe since we have true love between my husband and me, so I am supposed to "share" whatever is on my mind whenever I want. If his reaction is not what I expected (patient, understanding etc., the stuff depicted in a movie), I get annoyed. So quote this book "Somehow wives have come to believe that with respect to communication, more is better. Wrong. More appropriately selected and times is better." So true! Another example is I love him so much because I think he is such a manly man. As a result, I neglected the fact that he has emotional weakness too. And he actually relies on me more for emotional support that I need him! (As we girls are natural talkers and we talk to everybody.) But I just brushed it off as he is not being himself. I think the root of the problem is that as an independent career woman, we have been influenced too much by the feminism stuff. When I was growing up, my mom always "work hard and be independent, then you don't have to rely on a man and be his submissive wife." So I equate "a submissive wife" with "a loving understanding wife who respects his husband's opinions". Even though all these are subconscious cuz I always think of myself as a woman with traditional value, who acknowledge the differences between genders, who think some extreme values of feminism are actually hurting women. I didn't know I was influenced subconsciously! If I ever have a daughter of my own one day, this is what I will tell her: work hard, and be independent, just because you want to be responsible for yourself as a human being, not for any other reasons. Don't have extreme views regarding men, they are not untrustworthy but they are not your savior either. Treat them as a truly equal. Respect them, love them, and they will return in ten folds. The only negative part of this book, is that the author seems to try sneaking in some religious stuff related to God. You can just ignore it if you are not religious. Doesn't reduce the value of the book.

I loved this book! It gave great advice on how to show love to your husband. The basic premise, really, is to be unselfish and loving to show him he is the #1 priority in your life. I liked how she included conversations from her radio program, to which I never listened. I chose to read this book because I was irritated with my hubby over something silly. I thought I already fed and cared for him properly so this book would prove I am a great wife. Although I do pretty well, I did learn a couple of things I could do better. I implemented some small changes immediately while reading, and the results were great. My husband was more loving and more appreciative of me. My only criticisms are very minor. For example, I found some of the male responses a little on the unbelievable side. For example, one guy wrote Dr. Laura and said how he did all these things for his wife and she still complained. Hmmmm... maybe there is more to the story. Another thing is Dr. Laura makes the point that a stay-at-home-mom and wife (let's just say housewife) shouldn't expect a working husband to come home and do housework. I 100% agree with this principle generally. I worked for 10 years in a professional job prior to having children. Now I am a housewife, and I think it is my job to take care of the house and meals. After knowing the stresses of a good paying job, I can appreciate how nice it is for the breadwinner of the family to not have to worry about those things. That being said, I DO think wives can expect men to not be slobs. Dr. Laura doesn't address that. I know some husbands, not mine thankfully, who are complete slobs. They leave dirty clothes on the floor, they make a huge mess just getting themselves food out of the fridge, etc. I am so glad my husband has enough sense to know that he should put his clothes in the hamper, hang his towels up after use, and perhaps even wipe the kitchen counter if he made a mess getting a snack. Also, I think if I had more than 3 kids, the house either wouldn't be as clean as it is now or someone (like a hubby or older child) is going to have to pitch in a lot. The husband in those cases should help shepherd the older children to pitch in so the wife doesn't get worn out. I highly recommend this book, especially to those of us born after 1960 when feminists taught us that the role of the housewife is demeaning. Taking care of a house and family is not demeaning, it is an act of true love that has longlasting consequences. Kudos to Dr. Laura for bucking political correctness giving such straightforward advice.

Does she really have the right to give advice on family values? "Schlessinger met and married Michael F. Rudolph, a dentist, in 1972 while she was attending Columbia University. The couple had a Unitarian ceremony.[60] Separating from Rudolph, Schlessinger moved to Encino, California in 1975 when she obtained a job in the science department at the University of Southern California.[61] Their divorce was finalized in 1977.[62] In 1975, while working in the labs at USC, she met Lewis G. Bishop, a professor of neurophysiology who was married and the father of three children.[2][63] Bishop separated from his wife and began living with Schlessinger the same year.[64] Schlessinger has vociferously proclaimed her disapproval of unwed couples "shacking up" and having children out of wedlock. According to personal friend, Shelly Herman, "Laura lived with Lew for about nine years before she was married to him."[2] "His divorce was final in 1979.[65] Bishop and Schlessinger married in 1985.[66] Herman says that Schlessinger told her she was pregnant at the time, which Herman recalls as "particularly joyful because of the happy news."[2] Schlessinger's only child, a son named Deryk, was born in November 1985.[67] Schlessinger was estranged from her sister for years, and many thought she was an only child.[2] She had not spoken to her mother for 18[68] to 20 years before her mother's death in 2002 from heart disease.[13] Her mother's remains were found in her Beverly Hills condo approximately two months after she died,[69][70] and lay unclaimed for some time in the Los Angeles morgue before Schlessinger had them picked up for burial.[71] Concerning the day that she heard about her mother’s death, she said: “Apparently she had no friends and none of her neighbors were close, so nobody even noticed! How sad.”[13][71] In 2006, Schlessinger wrote that she had been attacked in a "vulgar, inhumane manner by media types" because of the circumstances surrounding her mother's death, and that false allegations had been made that she was unfit to dispense advice based on family values. She said that she had not mourned the deaths of either of her parents because she had no emotional bond to them.[1][13]"

In the past 50 years books on relationships and marriage in the US and also to a lesser extent in the UK, have routinely blamed men for the majority of faults in relationships and marriage. The default knee jerk reaction seems to have been – he's too aggressive, not sensitive enough, is not (insert your adjective here) enough...you get the message. Women's wants, needs and priorities are seen as normal and indeed paramount, whereas the husbands' wants and needs are either mainly disregarded or not considered at all. No “equality” here then ?! Fortunately this book by well known relationship talkshow hostess Dr Laura redresses the balance and gives men and husbands a fair hearing. This is quite refreshing as we only usually get to hear the feminine side of the debate. Much of the book's material is taken from her talkshow listeners and emailers in the form of small case histories,which makes for interesting reading. Men's no.1 complaint about marriage is that their wives are too controlling of sex. As sex is the major way a man displays love and affection to his partner when this is refused (a fairly common event judging by these case histories) not only is the man sexually and emotionally frustrated he cannot show his wife love, the wife also loses out as she is in effect refusing her partner's love. Laura makes the point on several occasions that men are simpler creatures than women. That they almost desperately want to love their wives, all they ask in return is a little respect, consideration, admiration and physical love. If he is properly treated like a man should be by his wife, she will be amply repaid. Laura also gives many case histories where women are dismissive of their husband's economic contribution to the marriage,and what he does for the family and around the house. And wives often seem to "sweat the small stuff" by focusing on minor annoyances instead of seeing the bigger picture of a man who wants to love her, if he is allowed ! This may be a sobering book for some women to read, as they see their controlling behaviors and disrespect they have shown their husbands highlighted in the numerous case histories that are mentioned. However as these cases show repeatedly,husbands are by and large prepared to forgive and forget, and Laura points out the relatively small changes that can transform a previously ho-hum marriage into one that is vibrant and alive.

Dr Laura is awesome. Refreshing book written to the women also instead of the usual anti-male persepctive

Ich würde sagen, der Ratgeber ist nur für Menschen (Frauen) die sich Dinge eingestehen können. Alle anderen können sich die Mühe sparen es zu lesen, da es so keinen Sinn macht und reine Zeitverschwendung wäre.

This is here to remind everyone of our fundamental needs in a relationship. We all want to love and be loved and somehow this gets forgotten in the modern world. Women can get so caught up in the mundane duties of life, housework, looking after the kids that they forget what it means to be a wife - gentle, sensual and nurturing towards their husband. Men don’t need another ‘mother’ figure. They need a wife, and when we are able to slip in and out of these roles, our man feels safe, powerful and will go to the ends of the earth for us. I understand this book may offend some people but if you’ve been having the same issues time and time again, nagging about your man not doing things around the house, helping out, or not giving you love and attention, try a different approach, be tender and playful and see if it works. If you want change, one person only has to try something different. let that person be you.

Love Dr Laura’s thoughtful, factual knowledge. She is right and if you are struggling with your marriage her book is very helpful to put you on track and show you was to influence the trajectory of your marriage. I bought multiple copies for a book club and to give away. A classic I will keep on hand. Amazing wisdom to improve your marriage.