Why Do I Do That?: Psychological Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways They Shape Our Lives

I came to this self-help book through Dr. Burgo’s honest and insightful blog “After Psychotherapy.” I’ve long been fascinated by the topic of psychological defense mechanisms, which I first learned about in therapy and later studied in psych classes. I think they represent one of the more helpful topics discussed in psychotherapy. Dr. Burgo explains the role of the basic defenses with clear descriptions and relatable examples culled from his 30+ years in practice. Some, like repression and denial, have become part of our general lexicon, but others, such as splitting and displacement, are lesser known. Although we are often unaware of it, all of us rely on defenses (to a greater or lesser degree) to shield ourselves from emotional pain. Our personalities are partly determined by which ones we employ. They only become problematic for us and interfere with our relationships when we overuse them. If we find ourselves doing so, it can be helpful to explore feelings that are buried beneath the surface, to see why we may be relying so heavily on defenses mechanisms. While this may be best done in therapy, it is possible to do it on our own to some extent, and Why Do I Do That? facilitates this self-exploration. Throughout the book, Dr. Burgo gently encourages us to peel back our protective layers and face what’s there, however unattractive or uncomfortable those thoughts and feelings might be, in order to discover what’s behind our undesired behaviors. The goal is to gradually be able to accept a broad range of emotions so that we no longer have the need to cover them up. Burgo suggests that once we determine not only which defenses we are using, but more importantly why, we can begin to reduce their use and become more honest and successful in our relationships.

My son is 18, I am 49. This book says all the things we feel and think and couldn't put it in words. This really is a great book

Overall a great book that covers various defense mechanisms. The author presents the info in a clear manner and provides relevant examples to clarify each point. He delves into the root causes of how we develop defense mechanisms and addresses the impact they have on our behavior. Ultimately, the author discusses how to overcome our defense mechanisms by applying techniques such as focusing on breathing. Pros: - Great coverage of the material presented. - Interesting dissection of the root causes of defense mechanisms. - Useful exercises to help the reader discover which defense mechanisms apply to him. Cons: - The material was presented in a fashion that seemed slightly haphazard. The author's references seemed to jump around a bit. - The topics weren't indexed. So if I just wanted to look up anger, I had to read sections that didn't apply. - Not enough time was spent on the "fixes". Coverage of how to overcome defense mechanisms was relegated to the last section. Nevertheless, I highly recommend this for someone looking to discover why people behave the way they do.

I’ve read a lot of self-help books and almost all of them have a catchy hook with an easy-read style that leaves a convincing but hollow message with the reader. ‘Why do I do that?’ Hit differently. I consider myself a very defensive person and this book was a very difficult book to read, emotionally speaking. It made me identify and realize my behavior in a way that I would have never figured out by myself. Warning - this book will more than likely bring up past trauma and emotional pain. It has almost brought me to tears on many occasions. But I’m deeply grateful that it fell onto my path as I can now begin to build a better ability to cope with emotional situations, and how to react to situations in a more conscientious and understanding way. Thanks to Dr. Burgo for writing this gem!

Do you want to dig into your psyche and find out why you do and think the things you do? Then get this book.

This is a very powerful and honest book. It clearly explains how people misuse defense mechanisms to keep themselves from facing fearful emotions. A great example is shame, where a person feels fundamentally flawed in some sense. The defense mechanism may be a narcissistic personality that paints itself as better in every way than every one else, thereby keeping at bay their own feelings of inferiority. Personally I have used humor in this manner, to announce beforehand to folks in the professional world to not take me seriously, and therefore hold me less accountable. Burgo's writing style is both personal and no-nonsense, a refreshing combination from an author who has walked the path on which he is guiding others. Particularly helpful are listing of the traits that connect to particular modes of defense mechanisms, and the application of areas in life where these may surface and how.

I honestly love this book. I love how each chapter has exercises, it’s organized and an easy read. The book gives great detail to different topics and really makes you think. Deducted stars from rating are due to several pages lacking spacing between words. For a book that shares so much insight into the “why”, I find it difficult to suggest to clients and maintain a sense of professionalism. (The clients I had suggested or shared the book with, stated they questioned substance when such errors existed through the book)

This book is amazing from every angle! Anyone who's searched through Amazon or any bookstore knows there are mountains of self-help books out there. How do you choose? As a practicing psychotherapist (and someone who's had years of my own therapy), I've tended to steer my clients away from self-help books because they usually oversimplify issues and promote unrealistic expectations which actually sabotage growth. At last, here's a self-help book I can heartily recommend to clients, friends, family, or anyone who asks! This is a one-of-a-kind book which addresses the depth and complexity of human psychology in astonishingly clear, graspable language which the everyday reader will relate to. Along with providing a pretty fascinating review of the most powerful ideas in psychoanalytic thought, it also gives the reader concrete and effective exercises that promote growth and change. And the book keeps getting better as it goes on. it ends by giving the reader a picture of what it is to be "healthy," as opposed to "perfect." Dr. Burgo goes out of his way to show the reader that a person never arrives at personal perfection. He acknowledges change is hard work, but that the rewards of getting out from under the oppression of one's defenses are well worth the effort. Likewise, you'll find this book is well worth the read!

I love this book! It's very insighful and can be used for professionals as well as civilians. Could be used for personal and professional insight into human behaviours and self reflection. It might even help people to have better quality of relationships with each other with more insight into their behaviours. I would definitely recommend this book.

I have been practicing reducing my automatic defense mechanisms for over 25 years and this book still gave me 'aha' moments. Thank you for a wonderfully simplistic account of human behavior. As a newly qualified counsellor I know I will read this book over and over again.

Excellent summery of mental's defenses mechanisms. You can easily adapt the theory of this book to your own behaviour, o to others persons

It's a book one can read and re-read, the connections and relevations are interesting.... I absolutely recommend this book to understand ourselves better and be more understanding with others.

The book helped me to understand some defence mechanisms that have been part of my personality for a long time now.