She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders

She's Not There is one of the best transgender biography titles written to-date. It will appeal somewhat differently to the transgender and non-transgender populations because the latter will take Jenny's treatment as somewhat light in tone, while the transgender population will read and recognize considerably more of the realities behind her account. Jenny Boylan is a remarkably able storyteller. She weaves circumstances over time together in deft fashion. A story, a comment, a thought, a seemingly minor theme described at one point in her life and story becomes a point later on, a pattern repeated again and again. This is life with meaning, described as a whole. Most people feel this way about their lives. Few can describe connectedness in such evocative fashion. The topic - gender identity at the level of transsexuality - is life and death. That applies to Jenny and it applies to Grace, James/Jenny's wife, whose personal transition is also described. Jenny lays life itself on the line as she comes to terms with living an authentic life. If the tone sometimes appears light, one should appreciate that by the time a transgendered person moves toward transition, much of the emotional crisis has already passed, even if the circumstances of life are put at risk. Jenny describes this well - and also well-describes, through Grace's own transition crisis, how that same point is just the beginning for a spouse. The second half of the book is taken with transition, including hormones, surgery, and social transition to female presentation and full-time living. Grace's perspectives weigh in here, as do those of close friends, particularly Richard Russo. Russo's letters to Jenny are incredibly personal, revealing, and direct and could easily serve as required reading for anyone interested in how interpersonal dynamics are challenged and change with transsexual transition in the picture. Russo also provided the afterword, and it's a brilliant piece of writing, worthy as a standalone piece. Great writing, great story. Real. And readable! Absolutely 5 stars.

The book is well written and you can tell Jenny knows how to write a book. It is a good read and a touching story and you feel glad that she got to become herself. Being TG myself I would have liked to see a more realistic telling of the trials and tribulations one must go through during transition. The way Jenny tells her story is a bit too "kumbaja" for my liking. If that's how it really was for her, that's wonderful, but I somehow doubt it was all roses.. All in all, I recommend this book for anyone interested in transgender issues and the how's and why's of transitioning. If you are TG yourself anf thinking about transitioning, remember, Jenny was in a pretty good position in terms of her job situation (Academia tends to be more accepting than macho-land)and she had a supportive spouse and friends. She herself hints at those of us who are less blessed (one commits suicide, the other almost dies from SRS complications). So keep it in perspective. Callie

I didn't read much about this book before I ordered it and hoped it would be more about the genderqueer side of the spectrum. It certainly wasn't. But - it was more fulfilling than I could have hoped for. Her style isn't quite linear, certain phrases referencing something prior come up unexpectedly, but they fit. You root for her all the way, understand her internal conflict, sympathize with Grace, are surprised at how well her children just went with the flow. She makes the point that gender isn't as black and white as we see it, as we're told it is. Perhaps that's surprising to most people, maybe not. I enjoy that as a transsexual, she says this, as she's trying to go one from end of the spectrum to the other. This books makes is haunting, which is perhaps appropriate because her latest book is entitled I'm Looking Through You: Growing Up Haunted: A Memoir ... it stays with you. You feel so much of her even though it isn't written with as much emotional detail as say a diary would. It feels like a piece of art, how she put it together, the things she remembered, the things she probably had to embellish a bit, what she chose to omit (we can only imagine), what she chose to say, exactly how she chose to say it. I would recommend this book to anyone - whether they've ever struggled with gender or not. It's a story not often told, even less frequently understood. Jenny Boylan should be commended for having the courage to share this part of her with the world - and so honestly.

And in indeed it will. This book is beautifully written and a carefully crafted story of one woman's journey into the often trying world of a sex change operation. What I admired abut the author was that she never feels sorry for herself; but rather is continually concerned abut how her decision will impact on others, especially her children and devoted wife Grace. She delves deeply into the psychological impact on co-workers on her complex long-held secret. I admired her wit and irreverence in the face of this life altering decision. This is quite a book! And as her grandmother wisely said, "Love Will Prevail". Indeed it did. Of course, there are many transgenders that don't have happy endings to their journeys, we must take that into consideration. But I do believe that if you are in the process, tortured by a life of hiding a secret, this book is worth reading. I am a heterosexual senior, and it opened my eyes!

I learned so much about the transgender process! I love how open and honest Jenny is. I very strongly recommend this book!

Very interesting, truthfulness, incredible life path. Un livre que j'ai aimé, profond, émouvant, touchant!

I enjoy life stories and I have a great interest for transgender male-to-female biographies. I read this book in a straight session only stopping to eat and sleep. What appealed to me about Jim/Jenny’s experience is the optimism throughout the story: that he/she is convinced that all will be well with enough effort, good will and a lot of love and respect for one another – and this is exactly what happens: there is a happy ending and a fulfilled life. I acknowledge that transgender biographies often reflect the sad attitude of society and bear witness to ugly and cruel treatments of the transgender community: social rejection, violence, unemployment, destitution etc. This is why I found that a biography lacking heart-breaking trauma is a great lesson and testimony for all of us who struggle with the hurt caused by those we loved for many years as males in our lives – as fathers, sons, husbands, lovers, friends – as they announce that they are changing to females. It is hard to grasp that someone we thought we knew as a male had secretly harboured for many years the need to be a female to feel happy and fulfilled. It is also not easy to accept that they equally suffered from being in the wrong body and in consequence suffer guilt, deception, loss, grief as they change identity and during their transition from male to female. Jim/Jenny admires the “saintly” effort and courage of his wife Grace and is grateful to all (friends, children, colleagues etc) who stand by him/her. In the end it is clear that those who rejected Jim/Jenny’s gender reassignment are simply ignorant: they fail to grasp that love for one another transcends gender identity. This book is a wonderful feel-good read, written in a witty and entertaining prose. SNOW BEACH

Not many book like this are out here on the market so I am totally happy this exist.

Prompt, inexpensive and looking like new! Well worth it!

toll