Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

I've read all 3 of Aziz Gazipura's books and they're the best books out there for explaining the concept of boundaries and how they relate to different problems - social anxiety, confidence, and now people pleasing. The second half of this book is gold in my opinion. The concept of interpersonal boundaries is extremely important and there are a ton of authors out there that've tried to explain what it is - Henry Cloud, Mark Manson, etc. Bowen Family Systems theory uses the opposing concepts of Self-Differentiation and Fusion to explain good and bad relationship boundaries. Insecure Attachment Styles and Fantasy Bonds are basically the dynamics of bad boundaries as well. But nobody has done a better job of explaining boundaries and the thought processes involved in reinforcing good or bad boundaries than Gazipura. It's not just an academic treatment; it's easily actionable. And regarding how bad boundaries contributes to people pleasing, there's a reason Robert Glover's No More Mr Nice Guy is a popular Men's Book. This book is along the lines of Glover's book, with maybe a little less Freudian psychology / focus on upbringing, but with more focus on tackling what's going on your head with these limiting beliefs and behaviors, why they're flawed, and what to do about them. The guy also has a really good speaking voice so if you buy the Audiobook, it's very easy to listen to.

Love this book, read it last year and I think I'm gonna read it again this year. I still use the affirmations taught in this book, as well as some of the personal rights that apply to me. People can tell when someone isn't being authentic and it's uncomfortable being around a people pleaser. I was reading this book while at a remote job site and I began to notice myself trying to be a people pleaser, playing "nice" instead of being authentic, and I noticed other people doing it as well and it always created awkward situations. This book gave me the confidence to be more authentic while still being positive; to express myself while still respecting others, and that definitely created less awkward situations for me. I change the subject and end conversations when I want now and I do it all without feeling unnecessary guilt. It taught me not to replay conversations in my head wondering if I said something I shouldn't have said(a sign you're a people pleaser), as well as many other things. How? By helping me realize that I wasn't being myself in so many situations, then helping me SET my personal rights and boundaries so that I may start being authentic and continue to become better at being authentic. There's a huge sense of freedom when being authentic. So if you're tired of playing "nice" and ready to start feeling free, then this book is for you!

I'm in my late 50s and just discovered this book. Wow, I could have used this book 40 years ago! But, I'm enthused to benefit from this valuable information and practical advice for the next 40 years. Although I can't relate to everything about being too nice, there are many areas where I can and am already applying what I've learned. That said, I like the first half of the book better than the rest. The second half is a bit verbose and often difficult to relate to. Overall, great book, but could have been written in less than 300 pages.

If you put into action what you are taught in this book, everyone will benefit. When you think about the leaders and mentors that you admire around you, they all have the ability to be authentic and composed. Confidence comes with unapologetically knowing who you are and having the courage to express it. I will be recommending this book to others who have social anxiety and are trapped in people pleasing prison. Break free from your “self-cell”and apply these techniques. It is a bulky book with just the right amount of words. I couldn’t put it down. This will be a book that I read once a year. I never post reviews, but for such a life changing book, I had too. Plus, maybe it had a little bit to do with the possibility of others judging my review. Not anymore my friends.

The author’s personal experience with being too nice and his anecdotes about his efforts to change being nice are very helpful and relatable. The exercises he gives make a huge difference. As he points out, if you just read the book without doing the work it’s not gonna make you stop putting other’s needs before your needs. I’ve learned a tremendous amount from this book and have made significant changes in how I relate to people, no longer believing I’m responsible for their happiness while they are only interested in making themselves happy. I followed the golden rule of doing onto others as I would have them doing to me expecting them to do the same in return. They didn’t. They took advantage of my goodness. This book opened my eyes to no longer believing people are selfless like I was. I know lots of people who think they are selfless, but are really selfish. They are also people who believe their victims because they don’t get their way but it’s just because they believe they have to get their way. I learned it’s my turn to get my way, to do what I want, and not let other people have their way just because they want it.

This audiobook has some solid points about setting boundaries and speaking up, and I did take away a few helpful insights. However, the presentation wasn’t as engaging as I had hoped. The narration felt a bit repetitive at times, and several concepts could have been explained more concisely. While the message is valuable, I found myself zoning out during certain sections. It’s not a bad listen, but it didn’t fully hold my attention or deliver the impact I expected based on the description.

Not Nice is a powerful and eye opening book. It challenges the habit of people pleasing which I was or still guilty of and teaches you how to set boundaries without guilt. I have learned a lot about confidence, self-respect and speaking up for myself. It’s definitely worth reading.

Lo he comprado ya dos veces. Una en libro físico (lo tengo lleno de post-its y notas) y el otro en digital ... porque así me va más cómodo para resumir lo importante en una libreta.. Aziz es increíblemente sabio, ojalá tradujera sus libros al español y le viéramos más por redes, porque este hombre tiene MUCHO que ofrecer. Me ha ayudado enormemente su trabajo. Thanks Aziz!

I love how Dr.Aziz writes! His style is so fun and engaging and I can honestly say that this book is starting to change my life. Could not recommend it highly enough!!

I have suffered from being too nice and a people pleaser. I got reference of this book from a udemy course that I had taken up. I could relate with this book so much.. As I kept on reading I felt, yes it is me 101. I have read a book earlier on people pleasing but the difference between that book and this is it is from the author who himself has suffered from it, so the tips are so practical and so liberating once I started putting it in to action. I have found this book very useful and it has given me a new belief in my self and confidence. I am looking forward to read other books on confidence by Dr. Aziz.

This is by far my favorite book, I was educated to be nice, never knowing how to say no, this is a life changing book for me